The past couple weeks have been a rough little patch or at least I let them be. I have been so focused on everything that is going wrong in my life and how sorry I felt for myself. I haven’t really felt like going out and doing anything the past few weeks and so I didn’t. Well this week I decided to grow up and stop letting things I have no control over get me down and away from what I need to be focused on. Oh how wonderful my God is. Once I started praying for help and guidence he gave it to me. He has shown me how blessed I am by the people in my life. I have a wonderful family who loves me and I got to see this weekend! I have amazing friends who take care of me and are always there and I have a wonderful christian support group here in searcy by being involved in the Harding community! Even though I didn’t feel like it I made myself go to a worship service called sanctuary searcy last night and I was so blessed by being there! And then that led me to tonight where I got back to my Harding roots at thirst worship I am so thankful for the new and old friends God and placed in my life at this moment and can’t wait to see where he continues to take me as I continue to grow in the journey! I have already grown so much in just a few months who knows where I will be in 8 more months!
“Oh I’m drinking from my saucer ‘cause my cup is running over with love! oh the love of the Lord will be my song the love of the Lord fills me all day long!”
Today Ty Osman is in Heaven with our Father. As I know many people are saying “lucky him!” and “well done you beat us there Ty!” this is true how incredibly awesome it is he is now in Heaven and dancing with Jesus. However there are still those who are not yet able to rejoice in his life. These are the ones who especially need our prayers. I know how hard it is to lose a loved on but when the loved one is so young it makes it all that much harder. My heart is going out to Ty’s sweet family right now. I am praying continually for this family that God brings them peace and comfort in this time of need. I know that as Christians that is what we are called to do. His family can use every single prayer they can get. If you would please lift them up in prayer continually over the next several weeks and months. If you would like to send them an encouraging letter please also do so I know they would greatly appreciate the thought. If you would like to do that message me and I will send you their address.
Matthew 5:4
Philippians 4:6
So the theme of my life the past week or so has been God showing me I am not in control and I need to learn to trust in him and rely on him. About a week ago I was getting ready to move to Searcy with my roommate and start cosmetology school in Little Rock. I thought I had everything worked out I was ready to go half way packed and feeling independent. Well last Sunday I was texting my roommate and she had decided to stay home and do some different things.So I am supposed to move in six days start school in 9 and I had nowhere to live and nobody to live with. My Dad immediately starts putting the word out with our friends in Searcy and we started calling churches in Little Rock that next morning. Our good family friend in Searcy called my dad that day and said he had found something. I was relieved that I at least had a temporary fix but I wasn’t thrilled with the situation.
In my head this whole move was about me being out and on my own and independent. Well since being here I am so grateful for where I am and the wonderful woman who opened her home to me and has such a beautiful soul and love for Jesus. God knew exactly what he was doing and had perfect timing. Tonight I sat down and had dinner with Michelle and we got to talk and hear each others stories and we got to talking about how we ended up together and how each of us got here. Well long story short it was nothing less than a God thing. Come to find out she had just send an email to the housing department at Harding asking if they had any girls that needed a place to live because she was wanting to rent out her extra rooms. He emailed her back and said he didn’t know of anything. Within thirty minutes my dad called her. That is no coincidence that was Gods timing.
So that’s my wonderful living situation. On my way to school this morning the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers” came on the radio and I just thought it went perfectly with my day. Speaking of school, it was just as wonderful! It was going well and I was enjoying it and then I met four wonderful girls who are just like me and are striving to be the best they can be and to be lights for Jesus. I got to have lunch with them and get to know them and it that made my day just that much better too!
So needless to say I have given up on my planning and my timing and I am giving it to God. He is in control and I have to learn to trust and follow and just know he will provide and take care of me!
Today is my first day of cosmetology school! I have about a 45 minute drive in front of me. I am living in a new space and everything about today is new. I woke up this morning and have a little extra time before I have to leave for school. I decided to get back into my routine of reading my bible and these two books I read that help me start my day right and keep focused. One of these is called Nearer to Jesus by Sarah Young and it never ceases to amaze me how God speaks to me through this book. Today’s passage was this.
“Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life-and onward into eternity. Do not give in to fear or worry, those robbers of abundant living. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them. Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them. Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am holding you by your right hand. Nothing can separate you from My Presence!”
I mean how perfectly does that speak to me today in my situation. God gave me these extra few minutes this morning to read and reflect on that. He continually brings me peace in my circumstance. I am truly greatfully to be where I am and I am excited for this journey I am about to begin!
Today was one of those days. You know, one of those days where almost anything that could go wrong does. One of those days where you just get the mean reds. From the moment I woke up this morning things just did not seem to be in my favor for the day. And you what? I let it get to me and control my mood for the day.
I once heard at work “there is no such thing as time management only emotion management” it’s true. I had the same 24 hours today that I had last Monday but I spent them completely different and mostly based on my emotional state. After being a total lazy bum all day I was sitting in my room and at 8:30pm I realized it and thought “what in the world are you doing?!”
Everyone has that day or that week or even that month that is off or wrong. The difference between successful people and everyone else? Flight or fight. My last post was about ones journey and the road to self discovery and staying focused and being on track. Well that is all easier said than done my friends. I have obviously already screwed up and within what a week or two? It isn’t about how many times or how badly you mess up. It is all about how you handle it.
So what will you choose? Will you be the one who says “Man I screwed up so bad I can’t fix it I might as well keep on this destructive path.” Will you be the one who has the realization but is to lazy to do anything about it so you sit in idle? Or will you be the one to straighten yourself up and get back to it? As for me, I choose to fight. I’m going to fight like hell to get to where I need to be and even beyond that.
As of right now I am dedicated to these four goals. 1. I will keep up with the important relationships in my life. These will help me strive towards my goals not distract me. 2. As far as work goes…look out you have never seen anything like me, so brace yourselves. 3. I will be the best me physically that I can. ( You feel and act like you look. Looks can actually affect your emotions, so look the part) 4. I will stay on top of all other important aspects of my life as well.
Tonight when I had my “ah ha” moment I also quickly realized I needed a quick therapy session to get all my emotions out so I can wake up tomorrow ready to conquer the world. So I ran to my closet pulled out a canvas of a painting I had started a few years ago but stopped because I messed it up and began to paint over it. I am now sitting in my floor waiting for the layers to dry so I can finish my painting that is inspired by a song, that was inspired by my previous mood.
So the next time you are in the dumps or have the mean reds keep in mind you do have a choice. I don’t remember the name of this man but I do remember he is a coach that my Dad looks up to and while watching an interview I heard this quote and it has always stuck with me.
“THE ONLY THING YOU ACTUALLY OWN IS YOUR ATTITUDE”
Last year I was a freshman at Harding University. It may have been the best year of my life to date. Due to losing scholarships, unfortunate and unforeseen family problems, and my own decision to find myself I decided to stay at home this year. I decided not to get an apartment or live with friends but rather live with my family. I am taking 7 hour at a community college and working for a marketing company I have been with for over a year now. All this to say in this year at home I am on my personal journey to finding myself. This post is brought about because last night at work my manager talked to me because he had noticed I hadn’t been focused or performing well which is not like me. He challenged me to figure out what I want by tuesday morning. So it got me thinking… should I be looking for myself or should I be looking for something else? I really think when someone feels they need to go looking for themselves they have the wrong idea. You are right there where else would you be? Is there is something missing from the person sure is it themselves no. For me my missing piece was God I don’t want to force my beliefs on anyone but for me my life is easier to get through when I remember to lean on and trust in God. My sister gave me some perspective on this last night. I had called her upset after coming home from a visit at Harding where all of my friends are. She reminded me this year is not about having excessive amounts of fun and I had a goal and purpose for this year. I had become distracted and lost track of my goals the past few weeks. The next two days are going to be about refocus and readjusting my path to get to the end result I want. I was once told by someone I look up to very much that it is ok to get off path and lose focus as long as you realize you are off course, realize that you may have to change your previous plan to get back where you want your end result to be, and then take action. You cant just make a plan and not do anything about it that is even more unproductive than not making a plan. Now that I have rambled on I am going to go figure out if I still want my same end goal and if not what is my new one and either way how I am going to get there.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard
For some reason I can’t seem to comprehend, I was one of the few that had the privilege of seeing Ty Osman in his last hours of life.
